Migraine Flashback: The Gospel and the Military Plan

Due to the fainting, I have been called a liability many times. In most cases, it happens because people are scared- they are scared to see me fall, but also scared of repercussions.  Unfortunately, we live in a society where every business is afraid of a lawsuit.  However, I will never forget the first time that I was called a liability due to migraines.

I was in divinity school at the time.  The school knew about the migraines, but was not very accommodating. One day, I was called into my advisor’s office. I was surprised to find both my advisor and the Dean of Students in the office. Note- both of these people were ordained ministers in the Church. They said they were “concerned” about the headaches. I will never forget what happened next. My advisor then said, “Your migraines make you an inconvenience to others and a detriment to the community.” When I asked how they made me a “detriment to the community, they said, “Well, you have asked people to for a ride to your doctor’s office and that means you are taking them away from the community. (My doctor’s office was two blocks from the school.) I think they were desperately trying to justify their position. 

The honest truth is that they were scared. I remember leaving the office in shock. It was impossible for me to reconcile these horrible comments with the fact that I was in a school to prepare for the ministry and that two of those ministers had no problem telling me that I was an “inconvenience.” Clearly, they must have skipped the class when they were studying the Gospel. At the very least, both seemed to have forgotten a passage read every Sunday in the Rite One service of communion-

            Here what the Lord Jesus Christ saith: Thou shalt love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind. This is the first and great Commandment and the second is like unto it; Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets”

However, there were several people there who were willing and able to help me- who refused to believe what my advisors had said. One of these was a former Marine. If I needed to go to the doctor, he came up with a military plan. I went out one door. He went out another- after scouting and making sure that there were no teachers around, we met in back parking lot and he took me to the doctor. Afterwards, we stopped by the store and got something, so that no would ask where I had been.

I left divinity school after my first year. But for me, the call to the ministry has never gone away. In the past few years, I have found that I can use my talents and minister in different ways. I write AR tests for a Christian School, I volunteer at an elementary school, where the phrase “It is ok, sometimes SS falls down” is spoken by 6 year olds. Though I still feel the call to ordained ministry, I have also realized that the collar doesn’t make the minister. In fact, the ministry is made up of a thousand little things, of the choices we make, and how we treat others. It is in the struggle between faith and doubt. It is in every moment I am in pain and know that I can call someone and they will listen. It is in the many falls when others try to help.  The church is the body of Christ and we are called to be witnesses to that and to strive to be like Christ. Most of all, I have found that during this crazy journey with migraines and fainting, God has always been there. He may not give what we want, but he gives what we need.