Due
to the fainting, I have been called a liability many times. In most cases, it
happens because people are scared- they are scared to see me fall, but also
scared of repercussions. Unfortunately,
we live in a society where every business is afraid of a lawsuit. However, I will never forget the first time
that I was called a liability due to migraines.
I
was in divinity school at the time. The school
knew about the migraines, but was not very accommodating. One day, I was called
into my advisor’s office. I was surprised to find both my advisor and the Dean
of Students in the office. Note- both of these people were ordained ministers
in the Church. They said they were “concerned” about the headaches. I will
never forget what happened next. My advisor then said, “Your migraines make you
an inconvenience to others and a detriment to the community.” When I asked how
they made me a “detriment to the community, they said, “Well, you have asked
people to for a ride to your doctor’s office and that means you are taking them
away from the community. (My doctor’s office was two blocks from the school.) I
think they were desperately trying to justify their position.
The
honest truth is that they were scared. I remember leaving the office in shock.
It was impossible for me to reconcile these horrible comments with the fact
that I was in a school to prepare for the ministry and that two of those
ministers had no problem telling me that I was an “inconvenience.” Clearly,
they must have skipped the class when they were studying the Gospel. At the
very least, both seemed to have forgotten a passage read every Sunday in the
Rite One service of communion-
Here what the Lord Jesus Christ
saith: Thou shalt love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind. This is the
first and great Commandment and the second is like unto it; Thou shalt love
they neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the
prophets”
However,
there were several people there who were willing and able to help me- who
refused to believe what my advisors had said. One of these was a former Marine.
If I needed to go to the doctor, he came up with a military plan. I went out
one door. He went out another- after scouting and making sure that there were
no teachers around, we met in back parking lot and he took me to the doctor.
Afterwards, we stopped by the store and got something, so that no would ask
where I had been.
I
left divinity school after my first year. But for me, the call to the ministry
has never gone away. In the past few years, I have found that I can use my
talents and minister in different ways. I write AR tests for a Christian
School, I volunteer at an elementary school, where the phrase “It is ok,
sometimes SS falls down” is spoken by 6 year olds. Though I still feel the call
to ordained ministry, I have also realized that the collar doesn’t make the
minister. In fact, the ministry is made up of a thousand little things, of the
choices we make, and how we treat others. It is in the struggle between faith
and doubt. It is in every moment I am in pain and know that I can call someone
and they will listen. It is in the many falls when others try to help. The church is the body of Christ and we are
called to be witnesses to that and to strive to be like Christ. Most of all, I
have found that during this crazy journey with migraines and fainting, God has
always been there. He may not give what we want, but he gives what we need.
