It has been a while since I last posted and I find myself dealing with a new diagnosis- severe anemia. I will be getting Iron infusions once a week for the next eight weeks- not the way I envisioned spending the summer. Right now, we are still trying to figure out the cause and currently treating the symptoms.
This new diagnosis is, well, kind of scary. It is unlike dealing with either migraine or fainting. Anemia makes you tired. You forget things and it has become harder to do things. I also have to deal with the fact that- for the first time in years- my parents seem terrified.
I can put up a great front with migraine-even in terrible pain. I can smile through pretty much anything. Take the medications, talk to others, distract myself when it gets bad and deal with the bad ones. I rarely ask for help. Indeed, when I was in college, my friends would drag me kicking and screaming to the hospital if needed. I also learned that college students will do anything for food. "Take me to the ER, I will buy you dinner," worked well. Of course, I knew that most of them would have helped even without that incentive. Still, I hated asking then.
When the fainting began, most of these tricks worked and still do. My biggest problem is transportation. Fortunately, I have been blessed with excellent room mates, good friends, and family who has been willing to help in that area. Despite this, asking for help and realizing that I needed help are the two most difficult parts of dealing with this disease.
So, on to the topic of this post- asking for help.
No one likes to ask for help. For most people with a chronic disease, it is close to admitting that the disease is winning- that we have lost a battle.
The next problem is this- who do you ask for help? Keep it simple. I've learned that if I need to run to the grocery store, that can be easily accomplished. It is much easier, if you are already out with someone- "Could you run by the store on the way home?" This way, it is done during another outing and you don't have to go through the horrible phase of asking.
I have learned to make it worth their while- offer to pay for lunch or something. Try to make it pleasant for everyone. This makes you feel less like a burden and also makes them feel good.
Transportation is fairly easy. Other things are a lot more complicated.
For example, many people will say, "Just let me know if you need anything!" If a close friend has made this remark and you ask, do not be surprised if you are turned down. Good friends will come through, but this remark places everyone in a tough position. You then have to determine what falls in this category- does this mean that you could call on them if you need to get to the doctor, if you need company, or are they just being polite?
I'm left making multiple mental calculations on who I can ask for help and then what help can I ask for. Transportation, company, help in other ways.
If you are in position to offer help- be specific say- "I'll be glad to take you if you need to go." "If you need to talk, just call." Theses things make everything easier.
You see, many of us who have chronic illnesses learn to make sure that no one knows exactly how bad we feel or if we need help. This is particularly true if you are young and have an invisible illness. I can't count the number of times I've smiled through pain, made sure that stores knew I would not sue them if I fainted assuring them that I really was ok. Many of us go out of our way to look and act normal.
I think it boils down to this- if you offer help, you may eventually be asked to help. Also, if you mean it, be specific.
Go with God.
This new diagnosis is, well, kind of scary. It is unlike dealing with either migraine or fainting. Anemia makes you tired. You forget things and it has become harder to do things. I also have to deal with the fact that- for the first time in years- my parents seem terrified.
I can put up a great front with migraine-even in terrible pain. I can smile through pretty much anything. Take the medications, talk to others, distract myself when it gets bad and deal with the bad ones. I rarely ask for help. Indeed, when I was in college, my friends would drag me kicking and screaming to the hospital if needed. I also learned that college students will do anything for food. "Take me to the ER, I will buy you dinner," worked well. Of course, I knew that most of them would have helped even without that incentive. Still, I hated asking then.
When the fainting began, most of these tricks worked and still do. My biggest problem is transportation. Fortunately, I have been blessed with excellent room mates, good friends, and family who has been willing to help in that area. Despite this, asking for help and realizing that I needed help are the two most difficult parts of dealing with this disease.
So, on to the topic of this post- asking for help.
No one likes to ask for help. For most people with a chronic disease, it is close to admitting that the disease is winning- that we have lost a battle.
The next problem is this- who do you ask for help? Keep it simple. I've learned that if I need to run to the grocery store, that can be easily accomplished. It is much easier, if you are already out with someone- "Could you run by the store on the way home?" This way, it is done during another outing and you don't have to go through the horrible phase of asking.
I have learned to make it worth their while- offer to pay for lunch or something. Try to make it pleasant for everyone. This makes you feel less like a burden and also makes them feel good.
Transportation is fairly easy. Other things are a lot more complicated.
For example, many people will say, "Just let me know if you need anything!" If a close friend has made this remark and you ask, do not be surprised if you are turned down. Good friends will come through, but this remark places everyone in a tough position. You then have to determine what falls in this category- does this mean that you could call on them if you need to get to the doctor, if you need company, or are they just being polite?
I'm left making multiple mental calculations on who I can ask for help and then what help can I ask for. Transportation, company, help in other ways.
If you are in position to offer help- be specific say- "I'll be glad to take you if you need to go." "If you need to talk, just call." Theses things make everything easier.
You see, many of us who have chronic illnesses learn to make sure that no one knows exactly how bad we feel or if we need help. This is particularly true if you are young and have an invisible illness. I can't count the number of times I've smiled through pain, made sure that stores knew I would not sue them if I fainted assuring them that I really was ok. Many of us go out of our way to look and act normal.
I think it boils down to this- if you offer help, you may eventually be asked to help. Also, if you mean it, be specific.
Go with God.
No comments:
Post a Comment