Headache and Migraine Blog Carnival

The June edition of the Headache and Migraine Blog Carnival is up at http://somebodyhealme.dianalee.net/. Read, learn, enjoy!

Poem: Losing a battle

I am losing the battle.

I try to stand and fight, but I fall again.

The enemy comes closer- I can feel the heat of his fiery breath.

Slowly he advances as I scramble for a weapon,

But there are no weapons near by- my sword is broken

And all the potions that keep this enemy at bay are scattered on the sand

I can do nothing except try to stand and face the enemy.

But I fall again, and again, and again,

I fear that all is lost- he is closing in for the kill

And for a moment, I want to surrender to it- to stop this pain, to sleep, to lay down my arms and rest at last, but I can’t.

I see something glimmer in the sand- buried, but within reach.

I it out and find the golden sign that conquers all.

I am able to stand again. I hit the foe. He backs down for now.

But this battle is not over. It will never end. I only know that, with the sign,

With that great sign that conquers all, just as Constantine did at Milvian Bridge, I will prevail. 

Hiding

Hiding

You would never know it to look at her-

There are no outward signs of the torment raging inside her,

The torment behind the mask she is told she must wear.

Indeed, she has worn it so long that it is now a part of her.

So now, with ease, she smiles when she is in pain, laughs when she faints, downplays the horrible torment that she fights daily.

But now, the mask is beginning to crack.

She is tired of faking it- tired of playing this part.

“I wonder,” she asks, “what others would do if they knew what lies beneath the mask?”

The war against pain, against fainting rages, trying to consume her.

And every victory is costly and paid for with tears and pain.

She is weary, tired, and wants to take off the mask- just for a while, just so others can see and she can take a breath.

But others tell her- “no, you must leave the mask on- perk up, and play the part of the happy young woman, the helpful volunteer, the dutiful daughter.”

But they don’t realize that the war inside her is causing the mask to break- and there are choices that have to be made now.

Should she leave the mask on, despite the fact that it will drain her of more precious energy? Should she abide by what society tells her is right- “don’t show it”

Should she take it off and finally surrender to the fight?

Or does she simply keep fighting, forgetting the mask, using it only when needed?

And when she does fight, she removes the mask, adds it to her arsenal, and then she can show the world her true face- war weary, but never surrendering, she will fight to the end and she will win, and on one bright, glorious day, she will stand victorious, with the mask broken at her feet.

A weary soldier

Here I am again fighting this battle once again.

Standing on the field, I fight the twin armies of migraine and dysautonomia,

And for once, I am losing ground.

I am battle weary, tired, and distraught

Every time, I beat the enemy back, it seems to fight back more

Tired, weary beyond words, I will settle for a short retreat and a rest.

I know I will not win today.

Suddenly, I am felled by the enemy, I lie on the field weary, but grateful for rest.

I lay down my arms for a minute and give into the diseases, losing myself for a time in the fray.

I crawl to a refuge that stands beneath a cross

And there I rest, and know that I may have lost this day, but with the help of that great, conquering Cross, I shall not lose the war.

I lay down my sword for a while, enter the church, strip off my armor, and all emotion and pain comes out then- emotions I cannot speak to the world, pain that would scare others, come as tears poured out at the foot of the cross, and there I will find strength to fight on, but now I shall rest awhile. 

The Price of a good day

It was a marvelous spring day,

And for once I had a brief respite from pain,

And this made the day brighter,

The simple sound of wind blowing through the trees,

The smell of roses in the air

And the cloudless sky seemed to proclaim the new, crisp season of spring.

It was a day when one could look up and say, as the poet once did,

“God’s in heaven, all’s right with the world.”

And on that day, I tasted freedom, briefly.

I woke, longing for a repeat of that glorious day,

Instead, I found myself in the midst of battle again

First, the migraine robbed me of language for a while,

Then the fainting began again.

Battle weary, I try to fight with every weapon that I know

I fight with medication, with prayer, with all my being,

But I have trouble holding ground.

My weary body sounds the retreat, but my spirit longs for those moments of peace.

So here I am again- fighting for another day.

Curled up and crying, I give in to emotion raging between the disease and myself.

How do you measure days like this?

Is there a magic formula somewhere?

That tallies the price of good days?

If so, how much does one cost?

Is the price of one good day, two bad days or three?

And if so, how much will it cost to be free of this,

To rise and know that I will be ok?

But, no matter the cost, one day I will win this battle, and with the grace of God, I will not have to pay for days anymore.

A Brief History of Migraines

I am going to depart from my usual poetry to convey a brief history of migraines and treatment. Regular programming will resume shortly.

Headaches have been around as long as man has walked the earth. Headaches are certainly one of the oldest and most catalogued diseases of mankind-noted in every great civilization.

-Trepanation- drilling a hole in the skull to let out "evil spirits" was probably one of the first treatments for migraines. One of the treatments described in Mesopotamian scrolls in 3OOOBC and Egyptian scrolls. 

-15OO BC- The Egyptians also believed that tying a clay statue of a crocodile to the sufferers head would get rid of the headache. 

428-347BC- Plato- one of the greatest thinkers of the western world- describes his belief that headaches occur because people pay too much attention to the body. (Unfortunatly, this view is still with us.}

Hippocrates- Described headaches with aura and nausea, attributed the cause to vapors rising up from the stomach and therefore used to purge sufferers.

Galen- 127-199AD- father of modern medicine- described migraines in detail- and believed they were caused by an imbalance of “yellow bile”, one of the four humours.

-Arabic physicians of the same period used hot pokers stuck in the patients ear to drive away headaches.

-In the middle ages, very little could be done about headaches- there was willow bark and opium, if you were lucky.

1712- term megrim is coined.

-During the age of reason- 17^th and 18^th century- William Harvey described migraines in more detail. Samuel Taylor Coleridge and others resorted to laudanum- a mixture of opium and alcohol to cure their headaches. In some cases it led to addiction.

-Lewis Carol- wrote Alice in Wonderland and Through the looking glass after experiencing Migraine Auras and visiting opium dens to cure his migraines, though he did become addicted.

1938- Harold Wolf advocates use of ergotamine for migraines.

As more is known about the brain and migraines- preventatives- mainly anti-depressants are prescribed.

1993- The first triptan hits the market

Today- preventives are still used. Opium and its derivatives are still the frontline treatment for pain, and many stigmas  remain. But, at least we are making progress. 

Through the lens

I've seen it a hundred times, the fear in others eyes when I come to after fainting.
To me, the fall is normal-
I stand and then, in the blink of an eye, I fall, flying through space for a moment before coming crashing down like a stone or a cartoon character who has just discovered that he walked off a cliff unwittingly.
I come to, on a carpet, or a hardwood floor with people staring at me.
Thier eyes are wide with fear for me.
But I never thought I would see that fear in my own eyes.
I watch the scene the camera has captured, the video of the fall
Standing one minute, my face changes, my eyes stare blankly, as though all thought is slowing down, already preparing for the fall,
And then it happens- I fall.
It is frightening to watch, but now I finally understand the fear of others, but only through the lens.
For though I see it in what the camera captures, I know I will fall again, but I know I will rise again and one day, I can face it without fear.