They say that the “spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”
I do not understand this paradox, though it sums up my life.
Lord, why do you do this?
Why did you call me, give me a willing heart, allow me to follow, and yet allow my body to betray me?
What kind of test is this, that so taxes the subject-
That makes me scream in pain-alone and tortured,
That takes away the sun and strands me in the dark,
That subjects me to the criticism of others? I am called a liability, an “inconvenience to others”, a detriment to society, and a burden, all because of this horrible disease.
Yet, without your spirit, I would completely waste away- my body would no longer betray me because my spirit would have given up long ago.
But, somewhere in this dark, terrifying, and chaotic wilderness, I see the light that the darkness will never overcome.
I walk towards it, looking at the trees and remembering that terrifying, tragic, and wonderful battle that overcame death to give us life.
As I gaze at the light, and feel the wind, I remember that I am no longer alone, that I have never been alone. And next to me, someone takes the weight off my shoulders and reminds me that, even if my body betrays me to death, my spirit is yours.
As I walk, I am purified, refined, like the best gold, and one day, I will drink from the healing stream, be washed in blood, and then my body will no longer betray me and I shall be free.
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