The Balance of the Fight

I don’t understand this fight anymore.

Day after day, I fight this war against pain and fainting- using the greatest weapons at my disposal.
There are pills, potions, and medications that grant me a few hours of relief,
A sophisticated device is implanted in my skull to fight the disease and to allow the medicine to work.
And then there is the oldest and greatest weapon of them all- faith, prayer, and belief in God. These are my weapons, this is arsenal that grants me some respite, some peace.
And I know that I have no choice- I must fight this battle and I will win- and so day after day, year after year, I fight to lead a normal life.
But it is not the only war I have to fight.

This second front is worse- for it is here that others judge me.

Here the paradoxes multiply  and I fight just to keep the balance.
I must appear to be well when I am not.
I must mask the effects of medications that relieve the pain, so no one will see that I am in pain.
Though this daily pain would bring many to their knees, and have many begging for relief from pain, and it would be treated; I must keep calm, soldier on, and deny that I need a respite.

Lord, I am tired and I do not know what to do anymore.
I can fight the war against pain, but the battle here is overwhelming.
All I can do is fight, and pray, and hope that others will understand.
But one day, Lord, you will save me, you will take me to a place where pain will be no more,
And there I shall live in peace.